Adventures of Critics
by Sukhoi-san
Summary: Two specific Critics must save USC from BME
1. Send to duty

There was a land of critics called United States of Criticizing. Everyone was bitching about shitty movies, games and other media. Then everything changed when BME atttacked. There was a one Great critic, that can review media without making fans angry. But when the USC needed him, he disappeared. Luckily, there was another critic called Nostalgia Critic. His reviewing skills were good, but he was not ready yet for this adventure. This is the chance, that critics will strike against directors that don't care...

Nostalgia Critic was doing a review of a Gigli, when suddenly Angry Joe came in.

''Critic! USC needs you quickly. Evil director Soldmare wants to conquer this state!''

Nostalgia critic looked at Joe. ''Come on, why me? Why not someone else like...Jontron!''

''Because author of this wanted you to be a protagonist and I am your sidekick.''

''If thats the best exucse, then I will come and save the world...''

Angry Joe and Nostalgia Critic were ready for the adventure. ''Quick, Critic! To the Rage-Mobile!''

After the tedious driving with the Rage-Mobile, they finally came to the Channel Awesome Ministry. Joe and Critic slowly walked to the office of the president. The president was a Santa Christ. ''Critic and Joe, we see that if BME attacks the USC, there will be no more critics, even you.'' ''Why can't just you warp to that Soldmare and kick his ass?'' asked Critic.

''Because if Deus Ex Machinima is used, there will be always Diabolus Ex Machinima.''.

''What do you mean, Santa Christ?'' asked Angry Joe. Santa Christ explained: ''So, if I warp to that Soldmare and kick his ass, there WILL BE SOME OTHER TYRANT THAT WILL KICK OUR ASSES!'' Angry Joe and Critic understanded that. ''Now, Critic and Joe, you must roll the crap out of this careless evil director...Before that, you need a better vehicle.''. Joe and Critic were confused.

Then Santa Christ showed them Shit Blower, combination between F-16 Fighting Falcon and Mig-35. Critic gasped from its batshitness, Joe yelled ''Hell yes''!

Later...

They were on runway. Both of them checked the gear. ''We are ready to take off, Angry Joe!''.

''It's the time to kick ass!'' yelled Joe. ShitBlower took off. After few minutes of the flight, somebody called. ''Hello, this is MikeJTV and listen: to defeat Soldmare, you must go to the each specific land and collect some item. I don't know why, but you must. First item is located in Finland, so thou must go there.''. ''Roger that'' both of them responded. They flew to the Finland.

Meanwhile...

In some unknown land, there was a tiny studio with giant letters Bad Movies Enterprises.

In this studio, there was a Soldmare and his companion, Douchey McNitpick.

''DOOUUGGHHHH... Those two critic are going to Finland! WE MHOUST STOUP THEM!''

Soldmare laughed. ''Those two Numbnuts will never defeat me even with Deus Ex Machinima.

Send some troops in Finland to protect my ASS! MHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!''

''But they got hybrid of shoume yerplane!'' yelled Douchey.

''Don't worry. We will send Plotholler (hybrid between Bf-109 and B-1B, yeah) to stop them from badness I, SOLDMARE, CREATE...also send Merasmus there.''.

''Yes Meister!'' replied Douchey.

''Send Plotholler and troops to the Finland NOW!''

And so Plotholler and ShitBlower will clash someday...but not now...


	2. Finnish finish

ShitBlower landed on some runway in Finland, that was owned by USC. It landed smoothly.

After the landing, Angry Joe and Nostalgia Critic came out of its cockpit (don't take this in another way). Finnish soldier looked at ShitBlower. ''What..the...hell..is that?!''. ''That is ShitBlower, my friend.'' somehow replied Nostalgia Critic. ''I know that this is an airplane, but who designed it?''.

Both of them looked at each other. They obviously didn't know who designed this...hybrid.

''Anyway, it's not important. We both are looking for some mysterious item that can defeat Soldmare and thats the end of story.''. ''Erm...Your explanation is not very detailed,but I am very certain that I know location of this item. It's under the Lake Bodom . Good luck with finding the item.''. ''Great! How far is it?'' asked Angry Joe. ''100 kilometers from this base.'' replied Finnish soldier. Nostalgia Critic and Angry Joe dissmiled. Their faces turned into grimases. ''FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...''. ''Don't scream, please. We seen that thousand times.'' interrupted soldier. ''Can we rent a Patria?''. ''No''. Both of the critics grumped.

Few hours of walking later...

''Good god, this is going forever, Joe!'' ''No shit, Critic!'' ''Why can we just use a car? It will be far more easy!?''. Angry Joe glared at Critic. ''How can we use a car, when we are not on the ROAD!''.

Suddenly... They see a larger version of Hughes OH-6 Cayuse. Out of that helicopter, there were some wooden Medic cutouts. Then one of them sees them. Meem! ''Oh crap...''. Entire army of cutouts looks at them. ''What are planks of wood gonna do to us, shoot lasers?'' joked Angry Joe.

Wooden Medics started to spam lasers everywhere. ''Well, dumbass, you predicted it..''.

Nostalgia Critic grabbed his weapon. Angry Joe charged his Kamehame attack. Critic mindlessly shoot at MeeMs. Only one was hit. Angry Joe unleashed Kamehame...It failed. Meems spammed some lazors. It missed. ''Critic, it is time to RUN!''. They started running, screaming and flainig arms all over the place. Luckily, the Lake Bodom was near. Meems give up because they were lazy.

Lake Bodom was frozen. In the middle of the lake, there was a item...bat credit card.

''Look people, that joke has become boring and besides, it's important to advance the plot.''.

Anyway, Nostalgia Critic grabbed the Credit Card. But... ''COVER, FOOLS! MERASMUS IS THERE! GHWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM! DOOM! DOOM!''.

''This is the guy, that Soldmare send on us?'' joked Angry Joe. Nostalgia Critic and Angry Joe were ready for their first battle.

Merasmus casts a spell. Their head become giant. Nostalgia Critic fired his gun. It took little damage to Merasmus. Angry Joe used Rage. ''8 HOURS ONLY!''. Merasmus took damage.

Merasmus slaps Critic with his wand. Nostalgia Critic took damage. Nostalgia Critic uses Zuul. ''ZUUL,MOTHERF**KER,ZUUL!''. Critical hit to Merasmus.

''ALRIGHT! YOU ARE POWERFUL, BUT I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN, MORTALS!''

Merasmus casts a spell of Exploding jarates falling from the Sky.

Nostalgia Critic and Angry Joe looked. They ran away with the bat credit card.

Exploding Jarates exploded on lake Bodom.

''Whew...that was the close call, Joe.''.

''But I can't believe that wizard can cast an exploding jar of piss.''.

Later...

''Gentleman...we got the item.'' reported Critic to the MikeJTV.

''Good job, mates. Next item is located in Middle of Nowhere. But watch out, you will fly over Amsterpork. It is quite deadly to fly over there. I suggest you to avoid it.''

ShitBlower took off.

Meanwhile...

''This is Plotholler, we manage to spot the enemy aircraft.''.

''Hahahaha...Outstanding!''

They will clash...in the third chapter...


	3. Holler and Blower

ShitBlower was flying over Atlantic ocean. Nostalgia Critic and Angry Joe were talking about media that is considered bad. But they didn't know that Plotholler spoted them.

''MikeJTV calling. Plotholler spoted you. It is a combination between Bf-109 and B-1B. This airplane cannot be shot down by missiles because of the material. Good luck with survival.''

Angry Joe and Nostalgia Critic looked back. They screamed like little babies.

''We got your ass this time, Critics.''.

Plotholler fired some BOOLETS. It missed. Shitblower started chasing Plotholler. Plotholler turned left. ShitBlower fired some bullets. Missed. Plotholler started chasing ShitBlower. They were in cycle. Both of them fired bullets. Both of them took damage. ''Damn! Plotholler hit us!''.

Plotholler approached ShitBlower. ShitBlower performed Pugachev's Cobra. It started to follow Plotholler. It fired. Plotholler was damaged. Plotholler turned around and counterattacked.

ShitBlower took critical hit. ''Oh crap, Joe! We have to survive!''.

ShitBlower flew behind the Plotholler. ShitBlower It stormed bullets to the Plotholler.

Plotholler was on his last chance to survive. Both of them performed mano a mano.

''It is time fill your hole in plot, Plotholler!''.

''I will clean your shit, ShitBlower!''

Both of them fired bullets...

Plotholler was now a fireball in the sky. ShitBlower was smoking because of damage.

''Critic! How far is the Middle of Nowhere?!''. ''Only 90 kilometers, Joe, 90 kilometers.''.

They luckily landed in Middle of Nowhere. There was a one house. Nostalgia Critic knocked on the door. The door opened. ''What do yer whaunt, strengurs?!'' It was Eustace. ''Eustace! Be nice to visitors!'' It was Muriel. ''Hello I am Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you don't have to!'' introduced guess who. ''And I am Angry Joe, reviewing XBOX 360 games!.''

''Are yer hyer tho waist tiym?'' ''No, Eustace. We are here to get that item, that can defeat Soldmare.''. ''Yer hyer...to defeat that buffon Soldmare? Silence... ''Hyer, I think that is the item yer need.'' It was...cardboard cutout Mako head (cue to choir). Angry Joe grabbed Mako cutout.

''But we need to continue this mission.'' ''Hyer...theyr yer have to fix yer yerplane...''

Nostalgia Critic and Angry Joe dissmiled. ''Not...this...shit...again...''

Few hours of fixing ShitBlower later...

''Well, we finished...It is time to kick more ass!''. Angry Joe and Nostalgia Critic jumped in the cockpit of ShitBlower. They took off.

''Watch yer language!'' yelled Eustace.

Meanwhile at BME centre (Isn't this getting formulatic? It is...?

Soldmare was pissed...''GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! They shot down mah wonderful plane! They will pay 90 million dollars for this!''

Merasmus came in...

''Please don't tell me...''

''YES! I lost to them...actually retreated...''

''GOD DAMNIT, MERASMUS! DON'T MAKE ME TO SCRUB MY PAINIS!''

''WELL! I WILL GET THOSE TWO CRITICS, EVEN IF I LOSE MY MIND!''

Somewhere where ShitBlower is...

''Hello again, mates. Next item is located in Unicornicopia...''

''Oh god no!''.


	4. Bullshitopia

Nostalgia Critic and Angry Joe were flying over Unicornicopia. They just didn't find the runway to land the ShitBlower. ''Oh, for Christ sake, find a runway, Joe!''. ''I am trying to find one, Critic!''.

''They call this land utopia, yet they cannot build a runway!?''. ''Critic, look! I've found some black man! Maybe this is the runway!'' ''Joe, what the hell is a black man doing in the land, where ponies live and how did you come up with this!?''. They landed the ShitBlower...not smoothly this time.

Both of them jumped out of the cockpit. Black man spoke to them. ''Hi, Nostalgia Critic and Angry Joe! Imma Demoman. The only Black Scottish Cyclops in this Mary Suetopia.''.

''Demoman...How did you get there?'' asked Angry Joe. ''Long story that includes Merasmus, Soldmare and some MeeMs, mates.''. ''Did it take 8 hours?''. Demoman ignored this question.

''Come on, mates, follow me!''. Demoman lead Nostalgia Critic and Angry Joe to the lake.

''Why are we here?'' ''Nostalgia Critic, I will show you Number one problem with this shitlands.''.

They waited...until the sea monster jumped out of the lake. Nostalgia Critic fired his gun. Angry Joe fired his assault rifle. ''Hey Joe, how did you get an assault rifle out of nowhere?''.

''I always bring an assault rifle if adventure gets dangerous, Critic.''. Demoman fired some grenades. Monster was blown up. ''See!? They got more feckin sea monster in the lake, than they got men likes of me... By the way...that fecking Grand ruler let the monster to live there...and I mean more, I mean 100 per lake.''. Nostalgia Critic raised eyebrows. ''Yeah, you are going to blame royalty for that problem, will you?''. ''No, Critic! This Mary Suetopia was formely a normal democratic country called Mannoslavia. Untill he came. He turned this normal country in to unfair monarchy by ELECTIONS. He is not the Grand ruler, that creature is somebody else...''.

''Wow, what a backstory...'' commented Angry Joe. ''Anyway, mates! Move on!''.

Unfortunately, they meet the familiar faces. MeeM! Hammy trio jawdropped. ''AH CRIPE!''. This time, there were MeeMdics and DemoMeeMs. MeeM! MeeMs started to spam lasers. Hammy trio fired their weapons and ran away. They succeded to defeat MeeMs. Until the giant armored OH-6 Cayuse started to chase them. Hammy trio screamed. Demoman gets an idea.''Hey! Fire at the cockpit. It will stop it, mates!''. The trio fired at cockpit. It didn't worked. OH-6 spammed rockets.

They were blown away because of the explosion. They traveled 20 kilometers. They crashed into the wall of the castle/palace. OH-6 was coming. Hammy trio prepared their weapons.

OH-6 spammed more rockets. Trio spammed their ammo. It was a bullet storm. OH-6 was shot down, but the trio were swept again...until they crashed into the another wall.

''Well, mates! We reached our point. Time to kick his ass!''. They slowly walked in the room, where the Grand Ruler was. ''Your time is over, God mode Stu! Bring Mannoslavia back!''

Grand Ruler giggled. ''There was no Mannoslavia, Cyclops. Stop dreaming and realise that...''.

''Ermm...yes it was, but you conquered it, Grand Ruler.''. It was Celestia.

''Celestia, be quiet!''.

''Also, your idiocy, you overpopulated lakes with monsters. Need more proof?'' telled Nostalgia Critic.

''I did not do that.''. ''Yes you did.''.

''Celestia, SHUT UP!'' shouted Grand Ruler at guess who.

Demoman revealed something. ''Alright, Imma going to reveal this: That bloody Grand Ruler is Antasma''.

Grand Rulers head was replaced by Antasmas head. He was pissed. ''SCREEEEECH! VAT?! HOV DID YOU MANAGE TO BLOV MY DISGUSE! YOU VILL PAY FOR THIS AND FOR PLOTTHOLLER! ZIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!''. Antasma deployed somebody and escaped.

''Trust me, I didn't trade my saliva with him.'' Celestia telled that to the trio. Trio were disgusted.

Creature was standing infront of the quatro. ''I am Painis Cupcake. I will eat you.''. Painis Cupcake smiled. ''You will not have me for dinner!'' commented Angry Joe.

Nostalgia Critic fired his gun. No effect on Painis Cupcake. Angry Joe used rage-bomb. ''8 HOURS ONLY!''. Painis Cupcake took little damage. Demoman tried Scottish Resistance. Celestia fired beam of magic. Painis Cupcake healed himself. Painis Cupcake throws a shovel. Celestia took critical hit. Painis Cupcake launched himself to the Demoman. Demoman activated Scottish resistance. Painis Cupcake took damage. ''OUCH, MY BIG PAINIS!''. Nostalgia Critic gave an idea. Hey, everybody. Fire at his groin!''. Demoman used ''SEE!?''. Painis Cupcake was distracted.

The quatro started to kick and punch his balls repeatedly. Painis Cupcake took damage. ''You all! Give me your Painis now, do you understand that!?''. ''Sorry, I don't have one.''. Angry Joe charged his Kamehame. Nostalgia Critic and Celestia started to dance to distract Painis Cupcake once again.

Demoman sat down. Painis Cupcake charged at Nostalgia Critic. Angry Joe used Kamehame.

Painis Cupcakes balls disintegrate. ''Oh my tiny balls''. Painis Cupcake launched himself in the space.

''Well, Gentlemen, we saved Mannoslavia. But what about the ponies?''.

''Celestia...Who was the president of Mannoslavia?''.

''I was...'' shouted somebody. Then he came. It was...Engineer. ''Don't worry, Celestia, ponies will stay here. And you, Nostalgia Critic, Angry Joe and Demoman, what do you want now?''.

''We want to go to the ShitBlower...'' replied the trio.

Later...

''We are ready to take off, Joe!'' Before that, they realised something... ''Didn't we forget something?''. Trio stopped for the moment... Their faces became grimaces. ''ANTASMA! YOU TURNED AS ALL!''

Meanwhile at BME...

''SCREEEECH! I've got gut nevs today, soldmare! Ve got ze item!''.

''Excellent, Antasma!''.


	5. The day when ears bleed

''My boss, vat vas your motive anyway? I forgot because I vas playing Ze Grand Ruler...''

''Antasma, I will give you a MOTIVE SPEECH! I'm trying to make every overused, boring cliche real. I am sick of people, who destroy so called ''bad'' art. They see ME as an ignorant ass, but in reality, I am AN ARTIST!''. ''Gut, I vill remember zat. But vat about our deal?''.

''Sorry, Antasma. We lost another 60 million dollars.''. ''First Plotholler, nov giant armored OH-6 Cayuse...HOV?''. Douchey joined the conversation. ''Because we f*cked up! DOUUUUGHH! THAT DAMN CRITIC!''. Merasmus joined in. ''THAT BLOODY CYCLOPS JOINED WITH CRITICS!''. Soldmare put his shades down. ''Dear...lord...no...We...are...screwed.''.

Meanwhile...

ShitBlower was flying over [They Just Didn't Care about this one]. Crew of the this airplane hold the same expression: unhappy grimace. ''MikeJTV here...You clearly didn't get the item that Channel Awesome Ministry requested, did you?''. Angry Joe (the pilot) stared at MikeJTV.

Demoman grimaced at MikeJTV. ''How many bloody items were requested for this mind-screwin'?''.

''Eight. Next location for another item is in place, where characters from Epic Rap Battles of History live. Don't fail us this time.''. ''Me ears are still bleedin like bloody hell, mates!''.

Nostalgia Critic and Angry Joe looked at Demoman. ''Our ears are still bleeding because of that bat/nightmare/wannabe.''.

They landed in...[Alright, tell the place.]...[But I need a pun that is not lame and painful.]...Porturhyme. ''At least they got an runway.'' commented Nostalgia Critic.

They landed smoothly...again. The hammy trio looked at Porturhyme. They facepalmed.

Somebody called them. ''Hey you there! Are you candidates for new raps for season 3?!''.

It was Darth Vader. ''Oh no, we are certa...VADER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?!''.

''Yes, you bearded man with glasses, I was twice in this web show. Take look at this state.''.

''We already looked at this state, Vader. Please explain HOW THE HELL DID FAMOUS PEOPLE GET THERE?!''. ''You clearly haven't watched our show, moustached angry man, did you?''.

''Am I drunk?''. ''No, Cyclops. This is real.''.

[We did not...SLAP! Go for the details!]

The trio take a long trip to comprehend this state. They meet almost all members from ERBoH (except for two...It will be insulting to introduce those two...). ''We cannot comprehend this state. We just can't.''. Suddenly, some random horse attacked them. ''Hey you! You messed my ruler for two. You will pay for what you did to Grand Ruler-ay.''. It was the most hated character in FanFiction, that makes rhymes, Rhymey. ''Oh, feck you, horse! You'll make our poor ears bleed!'' yelled Demoman.

''Well, Scottman has a point.'' joked Angry Joe. ''Stop joking about my romantic rhymes. Or else it will be painful like tree-palmes.''. Darth Vader heard that rhyme. Everyone heard that rhyme.

Then, everyone came to the Bad-rhyme making Scrappy character. ''Everybody loathes you, dick!''.

''You blow, Rhymey! You arrogant prick!''. Nostalgia Critic was confused. ''People, we know that our ears bleed from him, but think that is a bit of harsh.''. He was wrong. ''You are all wrong like gong. My rhymes are better than your blow-mes. You all suck and you should worship Grand Ruler-ck.''. Ears bleed river of blood.

Bill Gates (from ERBoH) counterattacked. ''Fine! You will be like that? DIE THEN! WHOLE FANFICTION HATED YOU, BUT YOU WERE MY ENEMY!''. Everyone else has comment for his ignorancy,

''We are 40% kicking your ass and you are head of cabbage.''. ''Your rhymes are weak as this economy!''. ''Your rhymes made war cold.''. Rhymey went insane. ''You will die and die.''.

Ears bleed ocean of blood. Everyone blowed at him. He was defeated. ''Meh...What an asspull.''.

CAW! Everyone crapped their pants. ''BY THE POWER INVESTED IN ME BY THIS GIANT BIRD, RHYMES SHALL NOT BE SHINIEST OF TURDS! WHO MADE THOSE HORRIBLE RHYMES!?''. It was Abe Lincoln, that was pissed. ''Dat bloody rhy-asstley was defeated by us!''.

''Good. Now can I go to sleep. EAGLE!''. Nostalgia Critic stopped Abe for a second. ''Excuse me, Abe from ERBoH, can we get some item to defeat Soldmare, you know, that man that send Rhymey.''. ''If you are searching for ELEPHANT, you have it there. Nostalgia Critic grabbed the ELEPHANT.

Later...

''Well, that was anticlimatic.''.

They walked to the ShitBlower unsatisfied until... ''I HAVE COME!''

''SCREEEECH!''

''OH GOD NO!''


	6. Unlucky Chapter

''TIME TO MEET YOUR DOOM...AGAIN!''. ''YOU OVE 150 MILLION DOLLARS TO BME!''. Our trio counterattacked. ''THERE COULD BE ONLY ONE SIDE!''. ''YOUR SHITNESS WILL NOT DEFEAT US!''. ''CASH COW MY ASS!''.

Hammy trio and Hammy magician duo spammed their attacks. Merasmus casted more magic.

Angry Joe used Rage bomb. ''4 HOURS ONLY!''. Nostalgia Critic used Cluster F-Bombs.

Demoman used SCRUMPEH Bomb. Antasma used Bat-spam. Both sides were blown away by the explosion. Hammy trio landed next to the ShitBlower. Hammy magician duo landed in the ocean.

They quickly jumped in the cockpit. ShitBlower took off.

Guess where ShitBlower was flying. Nostalgia Critic remembered about Mannoslavia and asked Demoman about it. ''Well, Demoman. Tell me more about Mannoslavia. In detail, please.''.

''Well, Critic...If ye want it...(in dramatic voice)...In the year 1991, Mannoslavia has became an independent country. All of this stuff happened in year 2009. We have elections. Competitors were democratic party, lead by Engineer and republican party, lead by Linkara. Out of nowhere, there was a new competitior. It was called Unicorns United aka Monarchy, lead by Celesto also known as The Grand Ruler. Because he lose the first turn (Republicans and Democrats received same amount of the vote), HE WENT APESHIT. He ruled Mannoslavia by banishing Linkara and turning Engineer into the generic villain Titan. The Grand Ruler renamed this country in Unicornicopia, lousy name at that. Not to mention he has lust for the alicorn. Also he DUMBED down every civilian in to the biggest dumbass ever be imagined. I was one the only people, that were against this feckin' monster. Until you came. By defeating this ass, we manage to restore plausibility, intelligence and everything normal was restored. There was no feckin' prophecy, you just came out of nowhere. Dat is the end of story''. Angry Joe turned back and chuckled for a bit. ''That's quite a backstory, Demoman.''. On the screen, guess who called. ''This is an British person. And this one should be ea...BZZZZZZZT...''. Trio looked at the screen. ''What the hell is going on?!''.

On the screen, there was a green midget with weird glasses. ''Good greetings, Critics. You don't even attempt to defeat the artist, that is great, Soldmare. Because if do you, fail will be expected and I WILL HAVE CHORTLES...''. Screen turned off. Trio jawdropped. MikeJTV returned to screen.

''By the way, enemy airplanes are behind you.''. Let you guess what just happened next.

Three SU-27 Flankers ambushed ShitBlower. ShitBlower tried to escape, but Flankers fired their missiles. They hitted ShiBlower. Luckily, trio escaped. Trio landed on the board of some battleship.

''Hey, chumps! Do you know what are you doing!?''. It was Waddle Doo.

''No, Mat...'' Demoman attempted to reply, but the missile hitted the battleship.

Trio ran away with the boat. Waddle doo attempted to stop them, but it was too late.

''Worst...chapter...of...this...fic...ever...'' lampshaded Nostalgia Critic.

In the air...

''Gru! Go to that boat! I think those people are crew of the unknown aircraft!''.

''Roger that, Nefario.''.

Some boot-shaped aircraft hovered near the boat.

''Come there, mates!''.

Trio climbed to the airplane...

Meanwhile at BME.

Soldmare was laughing his ass off.

''YES! FINALLY SOMEBODY DEFEATED SHITBLOWER! HYEHEHEHEHEH!''.

''They finally payed for it!''. ''YES! THEY F*CKED UP!''. Merasmus...lets just say that he was happy is an understatement.


	7. Our douche has a secret in this Mind-scr

[We are located at zone, which our ''protagonists'' crossed]

Nostalgia Critic put his hat down. ''Alas, ShitBlower. We have such fun between six chapters. Now, you are just a wreckage under the sea.''. Angry Joe sniffed. Demoman was drinking his Scrumpy.

MikeJTV reported from his screen. ''To access the area, that I mentioned it earlier, you must say something nonsensical.''. Demoman raised his arm. ''YerassisgrassandgivememeeyebackAustria.''.

Suddenly...The airplane started to cease. They traveled through the Portale de Nonsense.

''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!''. Their faces started to form various things.

After this traumatic experience, they landed in ''Dimension that is not Dimension that actually is but it isn't''. Unlike Unicornicopia, runways were EVERYWHERE. ''Do I smell irony?'' Angry Joe pointed out. Trio jumped out of the the Grus Airship. ''Hey! I can be your transporter, if you want.''.

Nostalgia Critic waved at Gru. ''We will need you! And explain why did they destroy ShitBlower!''.

Trio walked on the road, that was made of hats. Again, like in Porturhyme, they did not comprehend this land. ''What was author thinking while was writing THIS?'' trio commented.

In the middle of the road, there was a man and his bird. Trio came to the man.

''Excuse me...Jontron!? I don't even...''. ''Ye, Nostalgia Critic. I am JONTRON! And this is Jaques.'' responded the bearded hammy video game reviewer. ''Wat de hell are ya doin' hyer?!''.

''Well, Democlops, I am the Critic of this Mind-screwery. BTWFGMIWATA why didn't you rage once in this fic (weapons don't count)?''. ''No terrible movies or games in this fic, Jon''.

''Well, I could explain this, but to avoid exposition, MOVE!''.

Out of nowhere, Goombasaurus launched himself directly in to the hammy quattro.

''DAAAH! WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL IS THIS?''.

Goombasaurus fired a bottle of pills...that was made out of chainsaws and printers. Large Hams took damage. Hams fired Cluster F-bombs. Goombasaurus sniffed to the purgatory.

''Before you ask everything...this happens everyday here.''. Large Hams advanced for few minutes.

They reached the building, made out of taxes. When chewers of scenery came in...

….MEEM! ''OH FOR CHRIST SAKE, NOT YOU AGAIN!''. But this time, MeeMs got their own weapon. They got the Snortbrams (combination between M1 Abrams, T-72, Tornado Intercept Vehicle and Flame Flyer). Large Hams prepared their weapons.

Snortbrams fires its MS Paint mini-cannon. Hams were covered with badly drawn shishkebab.

Hams spammed F-bombs. Minimal damage to Snortbrams. Snortbrams fired its Monkey 25mm chain gun. ''AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAH! AAAAAAH!''. Hams took damage. Demoman used SCRUMPY bomb. Nostalgia Critic used BLAM. Angry Joe fired its weapon. Jontron threw A-bombs. Jaques fired eye-lasers. Armour of Snortbrams was nearly wrecked. Before they commented how that was anti-climatic, Snortbrams performed an Ass-pull. Crew of this tank bringed BMFC. ''Oh god no...''. BMFC unleashed the sphere of the fifth fundamental state of matter. Hams were blown away. Mart made of taxes collapsed due to sheer force of BMFC.

Shall we look inside of the Snortbrams? ''BZZZZZZT...Hello, Stanley the troll. Did you found the Hams? ''. ''OHO! Yessssss my meister Soldmare. And I will annoy the shit out of them! OHO!''.

''Stanley, you dumbass, I SAID GET RID OF THEM, NOT TO MAKE THEM MORE WANTING TO THROW ME out of this fic. Also, protect the base. I CLEARLY don't want them to destroy MY PRECIOUS army...ooops, I need to calm the ham inside me...''.

''OHO! I will!''.

Cut to...

''AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!''. They crashed in field of dangerous quality-eating staircases.

Staircases launched bullet bills. ''Oh, please!''. Hams dropped F-Bombs to escape. Staircases exploded.

''Jon, what the hell was that?''. ''Well, Nostalgia Critic...That was the weapon that turned Mannoslavia into some lame pun-land. Not the staircases, but the BMFC.''...


End file.
